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11 January 2009 @ 05:40 am
Life Goals as of 2008:
1. Live in Europe for a time
2. Learn every word of "Rappers Delight" just in case I'm ever in the same room as Sandra Bullock and she wants to sing it.
3. Meet Alison Krauss/Dixie Chicks
4. Go to the Louvre and Moulin Rouge.
5. Graduate college with my degree and get a good job.
6. Go on tour (It doesn't really matter what I'd do, but I'd LOVE to play guitar in the band).
7. Be an extra in a movie.
8. Write a book.
9. Write a script.
10. Live as a gypsy for a year.

Obviously, without saying, things will change. Everything changes. I'm working on finally learning to accept change. Once you learn to embrace it, your life changes. You look at life differently and learn to love what you have while you have it.
Tomorrow starts a new semester. After this there is only one year left. It's starting to freak me out quite a bit. No school? Being forced to go out into the real world and find a job that hopefully you'll like and be somewhat satisfied with. Coming from a family with money, I feel the extreme pressure to find a well paying job. Why?
I just had to stop and examine that. In the coming year I want to attempt to change. I want to do the things that I want to do. I don't want to have to think "What will so-and-so think of this?" . I want to do the things that I want to because, ultimately, if you do the things other people expect of you, you're not really yourself.
I really don't think I've come into myself. You hear from everybody that they peak in high school or college. I haven't found my time yet and I'm just wondering when it'll be. Will it ever come? Will I have to succumb to the best of my least appealing times as my peak? 
I just...it may be hard to think this, but I'm not a big fan of myself. I want to change. I don't like who I am. I want to the the fun, bubbly, happy go lucky girl that isn't too old for her age and worries non-stop. I feel this year may change me extremely. If not this year, next year undoubtedly.

Atlanta this past week was amazing. The kids are as adorable as ever (Except Emma being in her 'lets-punch-everything-that-moves stage"). I had a horrible case of Altitude sickness the first two days, but I still really enjoyed myself. Seeing my family in their environment, in the clothes they want to wear, in their everyday life at the grocery store and basketball games, is really something special. While at that basketball game, I had an overwhelming sense of the need to nurture. Emma, the cutest little kid told me something. Her mom kept encouraging her to go and play with a friend that was there. Avery I think her name was. Every time she said "no".
Obviously, as one of those people who hates seeing people they know during outings, I totally understood. Her mom wouldn't let it go. She invited the little girl up to our area of the bleachers anyway. You know that when a 5 year old doesn't want to play with her friend, something is wrong. As soon as the little girl came up, Emma climbed between my legs and sat on the ground and cuddled up. After about 10 minutes, she looks up at me clutching her stuffed animal.
"Avery's not my friend anymore."
Stunned I look down.
"Huh? How come?"
"All of my friend take Clare."
I sit trying to understand what she's saying.
"What do you mean take?"
"Whenever they meet Clare, they don't want to be my friend anymore. I don't have any friends."
I just sat there stunned. Then I scooped her up and gave her a big hug. She sat on my lap the rest of the game. What hurt the most was when the little girl asked if Clare and the 3 year old sister could come over for a play date RIGHT in front of Emma.
Other than that we had fun jamming out to "Camp Rock" and "High School Musical 3" in the car. Obviously, my first time hearing it I was dancing around all crazy making them laugh. Then we got in trouble. They have a habit of screaming...and in the car, screaming is not so good...especially with their father.
Being down south for those days I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. My presence was noticed and I was in such demand. It's nice to feel like that every now and then. The feeling of being truly needed. I also found out that my cousin Clare is going to be performing at Carnegie hall. Talk about how amazing that is. I totally want to fly out to watch her.
I fell in love with Atlanta and Nashville. I can see myself living down there at some point in my life and I can't wait to go back. This summer for sure for Keithy boy!

Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: Bob Schneider - Come With Me Tonight
Charliesnarles676 on January 11th, 2009 08:00 pm (UTC)
i know all the words to rappers delight! what a great song.
Whatevtruth__or__dare on January 11th, 2009 10:48 pm (UTC)
I believe change comes when you least expect it. You don't know it's happening when it's happening...but you finally realize that you're saying things you wouldn't normally say, thinking things you normally wouldn't.

But I don't think that there is one definitive time where a person changes and that's it. I believe we change throughout our lives.

Good job playing drums in rockband!